I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
