Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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