you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
