reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
