Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
