3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
