I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
time to smoke my breakfast
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
