The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
