doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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