Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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