I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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