Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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