Your dad touched me again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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