did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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