He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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