he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
