well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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