Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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