Sry I called you an 8
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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