All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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