Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
