you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
