The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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