If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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