I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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