I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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