i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
