It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
