is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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