i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
