ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you traded sex for a burrito?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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