it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
