Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
