a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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