Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
