I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
false alarm. still invincible.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
