so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
