remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
