Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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