Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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