you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
