Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize