My sheets look like a crime scene.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
