im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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