if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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