she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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