You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
