My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
