I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
