this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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