We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
