my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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