You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
