Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
