What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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