I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
