My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
