he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
