Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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