I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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