Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
be right there i have to get my cape
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
