ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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