I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
